click-clack-click-clack my brothers roller coaster went down ,around, and upside down thump- dee-dump my heart beat in the same horrific rhythm as the roller coaster continued its horrible speeding debut. Before this horrible part of the day had entered my life i had been having a great time collecting candy at the little Great America tents,now i was collecting panic and fear at hell’s gate. “Why did i have to come” i thought, i was a 9 year old afraid of roller coasters how stupid . As i was complaining to myself i realized i had one more chance to break for it before my mom could grab me “creeeeeeaaaaaak” Hells rusty gates opened and i was thrust in by the devil himself(herself). I slowly climbed into the slick shiny seat and waited for Deaths chariot to begin its debut. The roller coaster shot forward with such force somewhere between these lines I tweaked my neck which made the ride worse than it really was when the ride finished i realized it was awesome and i would do it again if i hadn’t tweaked my neck.
4 Responses to “looks can be deceiving”Leave a Reply |
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September 19th, 2008 at 5:05 pm
Hey Zack you need a capital on the first leter of a sentence and a story. Just thought I would let you know
September 19th, 2008 at 7:05 pm
You also need to have capital I’s
October 2nd, 2008 at 2:29 pm
Start with capitals at the beginning of each sentence and you may want to add comas when you said ” I was a nine years old afraid of rollercoasters how stupid.” I thought it was very interesting
October 8th, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Hey Zack, your “i”s must be capitalized. Also, “i was a 9 year old afraid of roller coasters how stupid .” should be “I was a 9 year old afraid of roller coasters how stupid.” I liked how in the second line you stated, i had been having a great time collecting candy at the little Great America tents,”…….now i was collecting panic and fear……” even though it should be,”…….now I was collecting panic and fear……”. I would have liked to know how the roller coaster was and how scary it was though, and the name of it, (To check it out next time I go there.) Overall I liked it.